Bonding Finally!

All through out the adoption process David and I both knew it was likely there would be some bonding/attachment issues with adopting any age child but especially with an older child. I will be totally honest... I thought for SURE I would be the parent Jadon would attach to the most because boys are suppose to love their mommas and be momma's boys ...right?? Well, quickly after the first full day with Jadon in our custody while still in Ethiopia I found out things were not going to be as I had imagined they would be. It was Daddy, Daddy, Daddy all the time! I would sometimes get so excited when I would hear Jadon say "Mommy" to only turn around and realize he was talking to one of the sweet Ethiopian Mommys around. Jadon would call ANY and ALL females Mommy whether Ethiopian or not! This was hard to swallow. I had waited ELEVEN years to hear a sweet little one call me Mommy again and reach up to be picked up and cuddled but this wasn't happening. In fact, David had to STRONGLY encourage that he let me play with him at times. Now when it came to bathing, dressing and meal time Jadon had no problem with me doing things for him but it was only in a "Nanny Care taker" way.

This was emotionally hard to swalllow but I knew I had to continue to trust in God to continue to carry me through this journey. It was a very clear reminder the adoption journey didn't end as soon as we arrived home to Tennessee. I did begin to feel some pressure because I had only six weeks to bond with Jadon before returning back to work. The first two included David and Lily being with us so technically I had only 4 weeks to bond with no competition. We would have some good days and a lot of not so good days. There was a huge language barrier obviously during this time too. Jadon could really be stubborn and completely shutdown if he didn't want to do something, especially when it was time to ride in his car seat!

I had a few meltdown days myself at night because it seemed no matter how hard I tried or how hard I attempted to nurture him, play with him, give him special treats, etc the love was not returned. I remember one evening after meeting with our small group that God just gave me this sense of peace about my relationship with Jadon. He brought to mind my relationship with HIM. When I was adopted by my Heavenly Father I was older than the norm and I didn't exactly know how to receive HIS love and how to bond with HIM. For years God had blessed me in so manys that I did not deserve but HE always continued to love me through it. It was actually about nine to ten years after my adoption that I came around to know and love my heavenly father and understand what it was to truly have a relationship with HIM. Of course I didn't want it to take that long for Jadon to love me back but I was ready to wait however long it would take.

Finally just six weeks ago which was about three months after being home with Jadon there was a break through! I will never forget the FIRST true hug I got from Jadon with NO prompting! This hug was so different than any other. He used to not hug back. He didn't know how to embrass and receive hugs when he first came home with us. One afternoon I was standing near Jadon about to walk out to another room and he just ran over to me throwing his arms around my legs to hug me and then reached up for me to pick him up! Oh my the tears were streaming! I was so excited to reach this milestone. And just like someone had flipped a switch I was getting hugs all the time after this point! Something had finally clicked and this little guy loved his new and forever mommy! During this time he also began speaking English better and understanding better. I was able to talk with him about all the "mommys" who had cared for him in Ethiopia over the last three years of his life and then explain that I was his special mommy because I was now his only mommy forever. I remember in this conversation he told me I was his special mommy because I was his friend. My heart melted like butter!

This part of our journey has really opened my eyes to how important it is to have communication in a relationship especially with my relationship with God. Jadon was able to bond with his daddy through play communication but all he knew about me was that I was going to make him do things he didn't want to do like brush his teeth, and ride in his car seat that he hated! He didn't understand that I was doing those things because I loved him and that I was his special mommy. Our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds over the last six weeks. For the past two weeks I have finally been able to hold him and cuddle with him while rocking him to sleep. He is finally able to openly receive the love and nurturing he has missed out on for so long. These are such sweet and tender moments for us.

Now granted Jadon still stays two steps behind his daddy but he makes room for mommy now too! As I was writing this blog my sweet little boy woke up and came straight to me to give me big hugs to start his day! I am so blessed to be on this journey!

Bad Tonsils

When we received the referral for our little guy in June of last year, we were told that he had chronic tonsilitis. They would give him rounds and rounds of antibiotics and those tonsils would just continue to give Jadon fits. We knew we could get him to a good doctor to get that taken care of as soon as we could get him home. To us it was a minor illness that could easily be taken care of here in the U.S. but we were not the ones living with it. As more time went by and we would receive updates on him the tonsils were still hurting him. When we met Jadon in November his tonsils were very swollen, poor little guy. It broke our hearts having to leave him behind when we left Ethiopia, but it hurt worse knowing that he was in need of medical care. Don't get us wrong our agency has a wonderful nurse at the transition home and she took really good care of him, but we knew that he needed those tonsils out.

The first night Jadon stayed with us we were amazed at the snoring ability of this little guy. He snored like a grown man. His tonsils were so swollen they were almost touching but Jadon sure didn't act like they hurt him. We had already scheduled a doctors visit for him before we left to pick him up. Four days after coming home he was at the doctor, Jadon was a healthy young boy with the exception of those tonsils. The doctor scheduled a visit to the ENT right away.

Two months later after a super strong round of antibiotics and a delayed surgery schedule Jadon had those Bad Mean Tonsils taken out.

Recovery was rough, but the snoring was gone right away and the tossing & turning in his sleep has stopped. Now 2 months after surgery no sore throats, he is gaining weight and has a lot more energy. The procedure was easy, the recovery was rough, but the results are great. We now have a healthy young, growing boy!

David